18.

17SongsAboutSummerboy [100409]

And on the seventeenth song,
I realized this notebook's filled with you.
And him.
And Us.

When I told you I stopped,
I lied.
When you left
for the seventeenth time.

I remember every mess,
and every 60/40 complex.
Because I said, "you're the best",
But I wanted you to give me a rest.

This is the seventeenth song about you,
and the message is clear:
Do me right and I'll keep the fear.

This is the seventeenth song about you,
and the message is clear:
Do me right and I'll keep the fear.

This is the seventeenth song about you,
but it won't be the last.
Seventeen songs couldn't begin to cover your ground,
but I'll cover you.

17.

RoundEight:TheAct [100409]

Paperweights and dates
with a little stab of hate.
I pull you in you pull me out.

Emo is upon us,
this could be a tragedy.
Our ship is taken by lust.
We are taken, and we're young,
So it's fuck up or bust.

Losing it is hard to do
When he wants it to be special.
Fuck me and we're through.
I don't want it, but neither do you.

Try not to make too much noise,
I want a chance with these other boys.
I won't make a single sound,
These words could drag me through another round.

16.

RoundSeven:emotionalattachment. [100409]


You taste like fire
Burning holes in my tongue
No one will ever know how much we've done.

& you'll never know how much I never cared.
I'm playing Love off a dare.
Whether you stay or go,
It won't matter because
I adore being alone.

Try breaking me in pieces,
I'm cold as ice.
Try to melt my heart,
The way I protect it's a form of art.

You feel soft like silk,
Too much of you will make me ill.

15.

A.L. Pseudonym [091309/092809]

It's okay
to progress at your own pace,
but move faster,
I can't wait forever.

I can't think of what to say
Am I fading away?
Are you fading away?

Hold my heart in your hands
And you could crush it in a minute.
You would just because you could.

14.

Rumour Mill [090909]

It's all that I got,
I want you.

Halfway around the world
You're still with me.
Can you imagine the damage?
It's waiting for us.

No one has to listen to them,
Or think of what might've been,
If your kept your mouth shut.

It's all that I got,
I want you.

13.

A Dollar, A Minute [090909]


I've been thinking of the past
& I know you thought we would last
I'm sorry
I know I've let you down.
I never meant to make you so sad.

Now I see
All I wanted was you and me
To stay together.
I miss you still.
I'm not getting over this.

You deserve better
Than someone who lived through letters,
Getting too attached too soon.
"I could be there for you".

And now Pandora's box has opened
I can't let go of my hope.

Now I see
All I wanted was you and me
To stay together.
I miss you still.
I'm not getting over this.

12.

PhoneCallsKillTheMood[ButNotForYou] [090909]


There's always another side
of the story, and I
always believe the lies.

Eight different people
Telling me the same thing
But they're all wrong.

I don't know what to think
Too scared to admit you're my missing link
"I'll need you this year"
I won't need you if all you bring is tears.

Two different people
Telling me the same thing.
But they're both wrong.

I'd hate to leave you
Although I'm good for someone new,
I want someone just like you.

One other person
Telling me that same thing.
But she was wrong,
And I should've believed you.

11.

Amnesia [090409]


I'm going away
And I'm leaving today.
Can't wait for you
To realize what we all know.

I'm leaving this state.
Hope everything's well with you...

But why ignore
what's coming toward us?
Why shut down
while everyone is watching me?
Looking for a reaction.

I'll be gone some weeks,
Just try and forget we'll ever meet again.
Erase me from your songs,
anything will keep me holding on,
because I can't let go of you.
I can't let go of you.
I can't let go of you.
I can't let go of you.

10.

Limited [09/01/09]

Time keeps floating by,
While I lay on the grass,
Looking for wisdom in this part of sky.
Convincing me to stay longer,
Watching me paralyze myself with
Thoughts of events that will never come.

Castles building themselves in my mind,
And time keeps floating by and by and by.

I know you're watching me from far away,
But I hate this game.
Can't tear my eyes from old habits forming in the air,
Why don't you help me [again],
Because I can't tell if you care.

Castles building themselves in my mind,
And time keeps floating by and by and by.

Get down to what you really mean,
Be mean to me,
So I can prove you're everything like
Every other one [that's come around].

Wishful thinking never hurts anyone except this body.
Wishful thinking never hurts anyone except this body.
Wishful thinking never hurts anybody except this body.

9.

Butterflies [08/29/09]

I can get you up
I would drink from an empty cup,
If you told me to.

Oh, I'm just so gullible when you're around,
I can't help but wonder
If you even know I feel
So alive, only with you.

There's that fire in the eye.
I've said it before, you know if you were mine,
There'd be never-ending butterflies.

How about that sky?
I reach up, grab a star for you.
You're my best and my brightest.
I could see that

Fire in your eye.
I've said it before, you know if you were mine,
I can guarantee butterflies.

8.

Illegal Thoughts [12/18/08]

The words form in my brain, little thoughts. Quiet, I tell them. I tell them, don't even start this.
I overdo it, they don't stop terrorizing me. [I secretly like to think about-]
I want to confront the subject of my dreams, I want to I want to I want to.
It's in the crevices of my bones, it weighs me down, sinks deeper into my head.
I feel the words crawl up the windpipe and I tense, what will happen? They sprawl across the back of my throat, on my tongue, they glide out with a minty aftertaste.
I love you.

Illegal Thoughts, Pt2. [08/27/09]

These illegal thoughts, I keep them out of your light. Those hungry words I said with my face in your chest, when we first met. Heads and limbs knotted together. It took months to untangle me from you, we were just like swans.
Is anyone watching? You can kiss me now. You can always miss me, just don't tell him that.
These kids aren't alright, they sneak off to see each other every Friday night.
"I'll make you a deal," I said. "a lifetime of hurt for a few nights year." And I can sit and watch you do your homework, so serious, all day. We can pretend I'm not three-hundred miles away, but alone in your room.
We're so desperate for a little time. We're an underage girl and a boy who demolished these lines.

7.

The Before Pictures [06/21/09]

How am I recovering,
How did things get so bad to begin with?
I'm not saying I have everything,
But I have room to give.

February was the coldest month of the year
I shed the same amount of tears.
"Over what?" Over what...
Over all the littles that added up
Too huge, problems that I can't handle.

March and I was fallen
He was the only one that could ever exist.
Making plans, love [that's what it was, I guess]
Keeping myself locked away from life, so careful.
I can't remember what I missed.

April, everything was set aside
I didn't try to stop myself.
Waves of blue knocked me down every time,
I started to drown, up to my eyes
In blue, just blue.

Begged and wanted me better
If that was true, then why did you leave?
[Please don't leave me...]

I'm saved
I'm better, I swear to god I am
It just terrifies me that I can
Swim, tread through the blue,

But I'm getting used to it
I swear to god I am.
Swear to god I'm letting myself
Be happy, because of you...

6.

84, 6st/Crucify [07/10/09]

You only come around
On days like these,
But your slap stings
Long after I'm gone.

You turn me obsessive
I binge on you because I feel I could give
You the pain back
With a small increment of tact
Clinging to this
Human shell.

I'm something greater
I fly up higher and dryer.
And what goes up
Comes down, and you
You crucify me.

5.

Fever [11/26/08]

My anger builds
builds
b u i l d s
up in me until I realize in short bursts of

Fear
it eats away at my worth
until I cut and bleed and

Kill
my thoughts with a little music and a little
pain soothes my thoughts of

Suicide
I'm so much smarter than that
love the life
I'm not yet
living, but someday I'll be sitting on the

Beach
with a cigarette in hand and a
motorcycle jacket hung loony bins
is where they take people with these kinds of

Thoughts
I'll never be as good
Too good
for this town, these people are too

Selfish
I hate all the boys
and the girls, so I

Write
what I'm feeling, but it
never seems to just dont

Let Me Go.

4.

Jello [07/13/09]

I told myself
"You know better."
And I did, until
She vacuumed my head
With thoughts of knives
Everything was a weapon.

You don't know any better
When floating in a pool of
Jello, with a pole prodding your eyes.

You think
"Maybe I'll come back
As a dolphin,
Gliding through water and laughing
All the time.
Having so much fun."

3.

Self Defense [08/22/09]

"You're full of drama."
Where's that put you dear?
Why don't you try keeping the words
I never asked for in your pants?

I'd like to see some spine,
Just because I have one, doesn't mean it's mine.

Someday you're going to realize
Just what you let walk away.
You're supposed to fight for me,
Fight for me then, and
Show me how I want you to care.

If I could've known we'd end up like this,
I'd never have let you kiss me
[And every other girl in town].
But it would've happened, anyone would've known.

2.

Make You Forget [08/22/09]

I don't want you
I just want you to need me
So I can be the wonderwall,
So you can pick my faults.

It's hard to breathe
Facebook messes my brain into eggs.
Open my skull and feel around
Touch the soft spots 'til I come down,
I'm sure I'll come down.

All the words in the world
Can't make up for what I lack,
So I'll make you forget I was ever bad.

Trace my lips with your fingers
And ask me to speak
I wish you taught me how

You were my entire summer
But I've only been a month of yours.
I can't figure out how to make me your school year.

I am the girl in your car,
You haven't reached yet, but I know I'm too far
You're not good enough for me
You're not good enough for me.

All the words in the world
Can't make up for what I lack
So I'll keep trying to make you forget
I was ever that bad
I'll try to make you forget I was ever as bad
As I seemed.

1.

Bulimia. [41509]

Who
Are you?
I want to get to
Know you…
You seemed so interesting
Standing in the lunchroom,
An intense stare on the choices surrounding you.
Turkey or beef?
You seemed so torn
I wanted to run over and choose for you,
So you wouldn’t have to.
I know what you’re feeling,
What you can’t decide
Haven’t decided what you want yet,
What you should get and what you want to get.

I know what the
Feeling is like, darling.
Food
Disgusts
Me, I know it
Disgusts you,
Too.

You spent too much
Time, thinking
About which has less
This
And less
That.
You panicked, thinking,
are people staring at me? They know…
You choose beef in
A hurry.

I watched you
Scramble
To the lunch table, eyes
Darting
Back and
Forth,
I know what you’re thinking.
are people watching me eat?

You caught
My eye.
I nodded slightly, and your
Eyes became glassy.
I blinked.
Look down.
You were gone.